And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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