Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize