i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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