every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
