if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
