Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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