Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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