If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
