It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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