I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
