i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
