i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
