i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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