Someone shit on the floor
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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