dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
