i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
