Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
