Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
