eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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