90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
