oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
