i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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