Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
