My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
