i love accidental penises.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
