I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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