It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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