I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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