she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
