My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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