There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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