I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
