I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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