Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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