It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize