jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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