Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
