i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
