what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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