South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
only you would photoshop your dick
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
