My Higher Power is John Stamos
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
