Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you inspire me to be a worse person
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
