Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
