If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just want to make out with him forever
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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