My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize