Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
