Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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