I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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