I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
