You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
