Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
