Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
