i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
