I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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