I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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