I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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