Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
