Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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