if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Come share oat with me in your robe
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
