does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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