just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
