The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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