she woke up with a sticky ear
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize