maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
