i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
