okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
