Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
pray to the hookup gods
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
