You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I didn't notice because vodka
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
