Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
