What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
