Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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