I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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