Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
