3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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