Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
