Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
