A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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