i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize