tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
