Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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