If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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