If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize