omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
