Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Floor bacon is actually really good
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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