i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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