My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
