his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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