wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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