ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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