you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
