Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
