Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize