drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
