your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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