My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
