Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize