He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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