so explain again why im purple
no
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sorry about my life...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
