tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
