I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
