i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
