what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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