I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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